Obscure Restaurants: The Gallery, Brixton

Fancy a kebab? No, I didn't either. So when my loved one insisted on going inside this take-away, my grumbling belly sighed resignedly. "You promised me a steak dinner!" I muttered that, and other such sentiments resentfully. I stepped just inside the door of the two by four room and stared with glazed and unimpressed eyes at food pictures on the wall. He left me to it and walked up to the counter and said loudly. "We have a reservation! For two!" I rolled my eyes, "Oh, hah hah." A reservation in a take-away. I walked over and gave the mustachioed man an apologetic look which said something like I am ever so sorry, he's playing the fool, do ignore him for he is a lovely man usually, thank you kind Sir. I was tugging on his arm earnestly, urging him to step away from the counter, when a thickly accented voice barked, "You go in!"And then, "WELCOME!" I gawped as he lent over and pressed a buzzer to open a door I had only just noticed. My loved one marched on through. I smiled at my feet and tottered after him.

The door opens into the most wonderfully surreal Portuguese restaurant. Why, we could actually be in Portugal! The walls are painted from ceiling to floor, depicting what I can only assume to be typically Portuguese scenes - in trompe l'oeil. There are no windows, but, look up! There is a mezzanine! More Portuguese scenes. It's brilliant.

I am now going to skip to the important bit. All of the food looks absolutely delicious but we ordered what we went there for: meat. The steaks are served on wooden boards, and are so big that your chips come in a separate bowl. The wait at the table was made worthwhile by the constant provision of baskets of fresh bread and bowls of olives. Portuguese beers and Portuguese wines also help. We devoured our steaks: rare sirloin in herb marinade, "gallery style" (with a fried egg, rice AND chips) for me; blue t-bone, for him. Whilst there is no space for pudding, we did have something called a Molotov which is a meringuey caramelly mouthful.

The restaurant is family run, the staff incredibly friendly and efficient, the prices right and the food superb. It's a gem.

Where: 256a Brixton Hill, London, SW2 1HF